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Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

 

When you reserve your wedding ceremony with Rev. Grant or Rev. Renate as your San Diego wedding officiant, you will have the unique opportunity to choose your wedding ceremony and marriage vows from our free wedding Ceremony & Vows Library. Our custom library of heartfelt wedding ceremonies will allow you to choose the wedding ceremony that is just right for you!

 

You Can Even Write Your Own Vows! Although many couples simply choose their wedding vows and ceremony from our Library, some couples like to give writing their own wedding vows a DIY try. Here are a few tips to writing your own vows:

 

• Formally make the decision write your own vows. Perhaps you've known that you’ve wanted to write your vows for years and years, but maybe your partner has never even thought about it. Talk to each other and decide together that you definitely want to write your own vows. You both must be equally committed to the concept of writing your own wedding vows for it to go smoothly.

 

• Make sure your officiant is OK with writing your own wedding vows. Rev. Grant and Rev. Renate encourage you to write your own vows, but some officiants may require you say all or part of the traditional vows... the "I Do's" so to speak. You should be able to say the vows that you wrote, but you’ll want to know what the rules are up front. If you are bringing your own officiant, check with them first.

 

• Work out the details. Will you write your vows together, or separately? How long will your wedding vows be? Will you show them to each other beforehand, or keep them a secret until the actual ceremony?  Will you memorize them or read them from index cards? Set a due date for when you need to have your vows written, to help you stay on track.

 

• Keep your wedding vows concise, yet meaningful. Don't overload your wedding ceremony with verbage that is redundant and overkill the meaning behind the actual marriage commitment. Don't torture your wedding guests with a long wedding ceremony!  We have found that the shorter the ceremony, the more guests come up to us afterwards and say, "Oh that was the best ceremony I've ever been to."

 

• Research. Start thinking about your vows by reading traditional ones—from your own religion, if you practice a certain faith, but from other sources as well. See what strikes a chord with you. You can even incorporate these into what you write, or include quotes that ring true to you. Of you’re someone who keeps a journal, go back and use some parts your past self too.

 

• Reflect. Take some time, both separately and together, to think about what you love about each other and what makes your relationship special. Jot down the most memorable moments you have shared together, good or bad, and the promises you want to make to your partner.

 

• Don’t leave writing your vows until the day before the wedding! Give your wedding vows the time and thought they deserve, and save yourself the stress of trying to be super thoughtful on the eve of your wedding.

 

• When you’re starting out, write down everything you can think of. Write what you love about your partner,  and those little memories that define your relationship and why they’re important. Focus on a few experiences and memories that you feel really identifies your relationship. What are the little things that your partner appreciates that you do and how does that symbolize your overall relationship? Is there something that you can work on to build an even better, healthier relationship? It is important that you promise, in front of your community, to work at your love. Getting it all on paper will allow you to see all your thoughts at once. Eventually, the most important things will rise to the surface.

 

• Your vows should last for about one minute or less per person. It is a lot longer than it sounds! Get at the heart of what marrying your partner means to you, pick the most important promises, and make them heard.
   

• Be yourself! Decide on your overall tone before you put pen to paper. Romantic or poetic? Humorous but touching? The most important thing is that your vows be true to you and sound like they come from the heart, while acknowledging the seriousness of the commitment you’re about to make. 
   

• Memorizing your wedding vows is optional, practicing is not. Practice looking up while you read so you can actually look at your partner as you say your vows. Speak clearly. Your words are meant to be heard by an audience, so read your vows out loud to make sure they flow easily, without any hiccups.
   

• It's your wedding day... just do what you want! Don't be afraid to express how you feel in the context of your wedding vow. Your wedding ceremony is your expression of love for your partner.... your pronouncement to the world.  Express yourself in your wedding vows, but if you are not a poet, or feel a bit too intimidated to write your own vows, pick a sample wedding vow from our Library of Wedding Vows that is a beautiful description of who you both are!